Dukes of Awesome


And Twins! by errantremark

Sabres Twins

Henrik: The embryo did splitĀ  in two, but…it didn’t split equally. All the purity and strength went into Tyler.

Derek: All the crap that was left over…

Henrik: Went into what you see in the mirror every morning.

Derek: Whoa. You telling me I’m the crap?

Tyler: This is not true.

Derek: You’re telling me that I am the leftover crap? I’m no good?

Tyler: He’s wrong.
Henrik: Look at him.

Derek: Are you saying that I’m a side effect?

Henrik: You haven’t got the brain power to understand this… but Yes.

(in case you’re too young to get this: source)

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Dukes of Awesome, Esq. by errantremark
May 6, 2009, 10:40 am
Filed under: Wow | Tags: , ,

Just a quick post to congratulate our resident female sports blogger, who is now our resident LAWYER blogger, which makes her far and away the most accomplished Duke of Awesome.

Congrats, pinkjerseyssuck, on passing the bar! Donte Whitner is now going to call you.



The Buffalo Bills get their vintage Ferrari by errantremark

Well, I suppose it’s time we weigh in on this whole “T.O.” thing that’s gotten Bills fans all hot and bothered recently.

Our kneejerk reaction to the T.O. signing was like most people: “WHAAAAAAAAAA????????”

Now we Dukes, as batshit crazy Bills fans as anyone else, can’t wait to see a Bills offense with a real live weapon on offense, or at least one that will allow our other weapons to shine. But as everyone well knows, T.O. has baggage. Some of our local experts seem to think this won’t be an issue.

And you know what? For the most part, we agree. Think about it – it’s a one year deal. He’s basically auditioning for another job. If you look at his first year numbers with both the Eagles and Cowboys, T.O. puts on a freakin show when money’s on the line.

Also: Owens is 35. As good as he is – and even was last year – he’s aware his window of excellence is slowly shrinking. That being said, the man is still an absurdly fit, strong and fast specimen of a football player (sorry for the Kiper-eroticism, but it’s true). The window is indeed closing, but even a 75% Owens is better than 90% of the league.

To go along with the age thing, Owens is in no better place to change his legacy than Buffalo. Will Leitch made a great point of this – if T.O. were to lead the Bills to a Super Bowl win, that would change everything we know about the guy. And here’s the thing: he doesn’t even need to go that far. The playoffs – maybe with a win or two – would go a long way towards helping Owens’ rep. He’s starved for attention, and the Bills (and us fans) are starved for the relevancy, the excitement of the playoffs.

The Bills are currently better than most people think – we have talent for sure. Who, however, outside upstate New York knows this? No one. This is a prime springboard for TO, where he’ll be the de facto face of the team, even if he’s not the official leader. Everything good will be attributed to him, and likely anything bad. Does that bother you? Me neither.

So thanks James Hardy for kowtowing and giving up 81. Thanks Trent Edwards for asking for him, and thanks to Russ Brandon for taking a risk on a high mileage, temperamental Ferarri. There’s a damn good chance this exotic stallion could break down, and even a chance it won’t even start, given its finnicky history, and might even launch itself out a window. But if it works, what a rush it could be:



Because Sometimes a Picture Says More Than 1,000 Words by pinkjerseyssuck
August 19, 2008, 3:22 pm
Filed under: Buffalo Sabres, idiots, Wow | Tags: , , ,

I know i reference this picture in a previous post, but now I just want to post it. Because I love it.

toooooooooooooooooool

toooooooooooooooooool

I almost want to make this guy an Honorary Duke for helping us look so good. But he definitely doesn’t deserve it.

Dear Toronto Maple Leafs,

You suck.

Love, The Dukes of Awesome



How to make jokes about Buffalo by errantremark

With the latest hack jokes about Buffalo that have come to my attention, I have been pretty annoyed with the general state of Buffalo mockery.

I don’t mean to label HHR as hacks – they’re not, and they generally come through on the funny, but they are just one of many sports blogs that showcase their laziness (ignorance?) with jokes about Buffalo weather, Buffalo being boring and Buffalo being a crappy place to live. (See the biggest offenders there? Sucks to suck.)

Anyway I want to offer hope to those bloggers (and media sources) who love to hate on Buffalo, but don’t know enough about the place to do so properly. What follows are a few gems I’ve gleaned through the years – even though I’m sure no one in the blogosphere would ever do it, feel free to plagiarize this list wholesale.

Proper Jokes about Buffalo Being a Crappy Place to Live

  • Amherst, NY. New Jersey. See where I’m going with this?
  • There is no good nightlife in Buffalo, so the bars stay open until 4 am. Wait, that’s not a joke.
  • Culture in Buffalo means a white guy playing Othello. OHHHHHHHHHH snap.
  • Girls in Buffalo don’t shave their pits. Some blame the French. I blame Ani DiFranco.
  • The cost of living in New York City is approximately 79% higher than living in Buffalo. Combine that with the nearby location of cheap, uh, talent. Factoring in fluctuations of the US dollar vs. the Canadian dollar, a night of strippers with the chance of a happy ending in a nice hotel is approximately 98% cheaper than in New York City. Advantage: Buffalo.
  • Mattoon, Ill., Washington, DC (wait, uh, sorry I meant to link to this.), Los Angeles and Bristol, Conn. all have higher population growth rates than Buffalo. I know. Mattoon.
  • One foot in the grave, the other…in…the…grave.

Proper Jokes about Buffalo Weather

Winter:

  • Know what I love about Buffalo snow? It glows.
  • It hasn’t snowed this hard since Billy Fucillo last sneezed!
  • They get the best snow up there in Buffalo.
  • Know what I love about winter in Buffalo? It brings out Buffalo’s best bleu cheese-scented tail.
  • It’s so cold in Buffalo, no man needs Viagra. Just get it warmed up and flash freeze that sucker. 4 hours, guaranteed.

Summer:

Ah, so there’s a start. This list can grow if you, the sports blogosphere, want it to. I challenge you, blogosphere, be original when you make fun of us. We know we suck, but please, if you HAVE to rip on us, have some class.



So Chris Henry, Pacman Jones and Marshawn Lynch walk into a bar by errantremark

So Chris Henry, Pacman Jones and Marshawn Lynch walk into a bar.

First, Chris Henry orders a drink: “Hummma herm….cannnnnyouuuu….get…hmmm….[inaudible slurring]ffffvodka.”

The bartender says, “I think you’ve had quite enough, son.”

Pacman jumps on the bar, throwing myriad single dollar bills into the air. Leaping down on the other side of the bar he bites the bartenders ankle, who then falls, banging his head on the bar, leaving him paralyzed.

Pacman shouts “C’mon let’s go” and runs outside, trailing a cloud of floating greenbacks.

Chris Henry looks, glassy eyed, as the door slams closed. He passes out at the bar.

Marshawn Lynch sidles up to the bar, reaching into his jacket.

He removes from his trenchcoat a collapsible cup, a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi and a handle of Captain Morgan.

Ever deliberate and patient, he unfolds the cup, and reaching over the bar he scoops up some ice cubes.

“Ah rocks,” he says softly, to no one in particular.

He then fixes himself a Captain and Coke.

Sitting there, sipping, he waits.

{sirens in the background)

Finishing his drink, the hard boiled Lynch empties the ice, collapses his cup, screws on the cap of the captain, then the Pepsi.

Donning his fedora, Lynch studies the passed out figure of Henry. He pats Henry’s head, slowly shaking his own, and strolls out the door.

Outside, the streets are quiet, though carnage is evident – gunfire and sirens are heard in the distance.

Marshawn calmly gets into his car – a sturdy Porsche Cayenne – and starts the engine.

Turning the wheel he begins to pull away from the curb, heading home.

[Cut to present day, Roger Goodell’s office, as he’s reviewing a signed affadavit from Lynch and his lawyer]

Roger Goodell, reading: “and that’s what really happened, I took the fall to save Pacman and Chris. they city (OAKLAND) ya heard.”

Goodell: “Welp, good enough for me.”

He closes the file, walks over to his closet, slowly dons his fedora, and on his way out, pats the head of a softly snoring Chris Henry, who is dozing, sprawled out on the conference table.



The Gay Mafia strikes again by errantremark

If you know who I am, then you know why:

a)Kissing Suzy Kolber My favorite website of all time (and our inspiraaaaaaaaaaa-tion)

b) This makes me absurdly happy: