Dukes of Awesome


Remember that time you ran into your ex? Yeah, like that. by errantremark
November 9, 2009, 5:07 pm
Filed under: Bills Obsession, bitterness, linking it up, that was random

Hey….yeah…long time….

Oh, I’m good…good…how are you? Oh, jinx! haha, no you go first…

Oh, not so good, huh? Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, I see you got a new man in your life. Is he nice?

….

Oh, he is nice? Wow, that’s kind of surprising actually. Why? Oh, well, you know how those jock-y receiver-y types are – you never know when they’re gonna blow!

/SLAP

Ow, geez, sorry, sore subject. So, have you been going out long? No? Well, if he’s so nice, I’m sure you’re ready to move on to the next level. Why are you making that face….no? Oh, it’s just a rebound fling, is that what you’re saying? ūüėČ

No, I don’t think you want me back. I mean, why would you? I was only devoted to you for, what, 25 years. No, I’m not being a smart ass.

Hah! It’ll take more than a muscle-bound boy toy to make me jealous. You like me for my personality, remember?

So you have kids yet?

/smack!

OW! Okay, okay, sore subject. Well look, I can’t say I’m ready to make a big play, but, you know, if you ever want to talk – yeah – oh, yeah, we should definitely do coffee sometime. Soon.

….

Okay, well, can I get your number? Yeah…I got a new phone. Okay, yeah, I’ll facebook you.

Wait, seriously, can I get your number? No? Arrrgh. Well, at least we’ll always have the rink…

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The Last Plane out of Hattiesburg by errantremark

EXT. HATTIESBURG AIRFIELD – NIGHT

A black Ford pickup truck with four doors, a lift kit, brush guard and giant tires wheels in front of a hangar. It is sparkling clean. PETER KING, REX RYAN, BRAD CHILDRESS and BRETT FAVRE emerge. MIKE FLORIO is standing at attention by a hangar door.

casablancapeterking

PETER: Rexy, have your men go with Mr. Childress and take care of his luggage.

REX: Certainly, Mr. King. [to FLORIO]Find Mr. Childress’ luggage and put it on the plane.

FLORIO: Yessir! [Exeunt]

PETER: [Hands REX official NFL release papers] If you don’t mind, you fill in the names, that’ll make it even more official.

REX: You think of everything, don’t you.

PETER: And the names are Mr. & Mr. Brett Favre.

BRETT: But, why my name, Peter?

PETER: Because you’re getting on that plane.

BRETT: But I don’t understand, what about. Hey, wait, did you say Mr. and Mr.?

PETER: Yes, but it’s not me – it’s Brad. I’m staying here with him until the plane gets safely away.

BRETT: No, Peter, no. I don’t know what’s happened to you but last night we said I wasn’t ga…

favre-crying

PETER: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you’re getting on that plane with Brad where you belong.

BRETT: No, Peter, no…

PETER: Now, you’ve got to listen to me! You have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we’d both wind up naked in the mud together and contract swine flu. Isn’t that true, Louie?

REX: I’m afraid Commissioner Goodell would insist.

BRETT: You’re saying this only to make me go.

PETER: I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Brad. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

BRETT: But what about us?

PETER: We’ll always have Montclair. We didn’t have, we, we lost it until you came to Hattiesburg. We got it back last night.

BRETT: When I said I would never unretire…

PETER: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Brett, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of coffee beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that. Now, now… Here’s looking at you kid.

[BRETT and BRAD board the plane departing for Minneapolis.]

FLORIO: Well, Peter, it might be a good idea for you to get out of Hattiesburg for a while.

PETER: I could use a good trip.

FLORIO: I could arrange for you to go back up to Boston – fly into Washington, then take the Acela. Maybe you’d like to see about switching to Sprint, too.

PETER: And it doesn’t make a difference about our bet – you still owe me a cup of coffee.

FLORIO: And it won’t be any coffee flavored water!

PETER: Florio, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

casablanca



The Curious Case of Fred Jackson by errantremark

So Freddie Jackson is another no-show to Bills voluntary workouts, along with Terrell Owens and Jason Peters.

With TO, you know you’re gonna get a top flight athlete who knows the game, regardless of his off-the-field shenanigans.

With Peters, it’s a situation that we knew about, with him holding out for a new contract or new team, whether he deserves it or not.

Now there’s Fred Jackson, a restricted free agent. The Bills do have the upper hand, owning his rights and the ability to match contracts with any other team. And with a glut of free agent veteran backs out there, there’s a very good chance the Bills won’t have to match one of those offers.

So at face value, the Bills are playing this smart, in line with their usual negotiating style. Eloquently titled “Fuck you negotiations” by realwiley – the Bills always play like they have the upper hand, even if they do not. And with the market and needs (lots of RBs, having a stud back in Lynch), this seems smart.

But the Bills would be smart to simply sign F-Jax to a reasonable contract and get his ass into the fold as quickly as possible:

  1. The looming suspension of Marshawn Lynch: The safe bet is the Bills will be without Marshawn Lynch for at least two games, but possibly as many as four. So it’s understandable that the Bills looked for a veteran backup – Fred Taylor and… Maurice Hicks? I guess if you’re getting a backup-backup, Hicks is a step up from Xavier Omon, but not much. Fred Jackson had almost twice the yards of Hicks’ best season (2005) last year. And F-Jax has been very effective both in support of and in place of Marshawn Lynch. And while there are more experienced replacements out there, they’re also more expensive.
  2. Public Relations to NFL Players: Right now, Buffalo has a reputation of being a team of last resort for many veteran players. All you have to do is look at our free agent signings and losses over the years – Marcus Stroud was considered damaged goods, and it took a lot of money to win his services. Terrell Owens was pretty much out of options. Jason Peters wants out, and so did Pat Williams, Antoine Winfield and more. Mainly because the Bills didn’t want to pony up for proven talent that they developed. Kawika Mitchell was a lone exception – the Bills were insanely lucky to get him (even if his impact has yet to be gauged). I know money plays into this, but being proactive in signing F-Jax – a reliable contributor – could have an impact in how Buffalo is perceived by players.
  3. There’s no one out there better: The current crop of NFL free agent RBs includes Ruben Droughns, Ahman Green, Rudi Johnson, Warrick Dunn and Dominic Rhodes, about the only back that would be intriguing for the Bills would be….I guess Dunn, really. Johnson wants to start full-time, and the others are either old or ineffective now. Dunn is old, but he can still play and probably would take a back seat to Lynch. But that would render F-Jax to 3rd back, when he’s much more than that, and being only 28, gives you more production at a chaper price.

So I just don’t get why the Bills are holding back on F-Jax – we can’t afford valuable contributors to be out of workouts with the regularity the Bills seem to maintain – it sets bad precedent for the current team and any other players we might hope to attract. And it certainly isn’t making Turk, Dick and Perry’s job any easier.



Bills Season Ticket Price Remains Constant – But the Cost Rises by pinkjerseyssuck

The Bills announced last week that Season Ticket prices will not be going up.  (This is where you are all expected to applaud and give honor and adulation to Mr. Wilson.)

My first reaction to this? ¬†“Duh.”

It’s common knowledge by now that we as Bills fans are indeed stuck between a rock and a hard place- either we support the team no matter what or we will feel partly responsible if it leaves- ¬†and the front office DEFINITELY knows we all feel that way. ¬†

Yet, not only did the Bills fail to make the playoffs yet again, despite promises to the contrary– but we fans are stuck purchasing not 1, but 2 completely terrible pre-season games again. ¬†The only upside of this Toronto thing to the average season ticket holder was that he or she didn’t have to pay regular season ticket price for TWO pointless, unentertaining, and underskilled football games. ¬†Honestly, a STH (look I used a cool abbreviation for “season ticket holder”) is lucky if he can get $10 for one of those tickets. ¬†Personally, we donate ours to our Church’s youth group. ¬†So while the ticket price has not gone up, my bank account will be taking a bigger hit this year. ¬†I know I’m getting “another game” out of it, but the simple truth is I’m paying more money and getting less utility per dollar, which, as a staunch utilitarian, is disappointing to say the least.

Now I know that preseason ticket prices are all the NFL’s fault and blah blah blah but the simple solution is that the Bills should have made Toronto take a yearly preseason game. ¬†Let the rich guys take those of our hands. ¬†Why not? ¬†That way when no one came to the games, it would have looked like a normal pre-season game and not like there’s absolutely no hope in Canada for the NFL. ¬†That’s the quintessence of win-win.

By the way everyone… although somewhat off topic I feel compelled to tell you that the Ralph accepts Canadian dollars AT PAR. ¬†Depending on how many beers and hotdogs you buy each season, this is practically currency trading.¬†

 

Look, its a Canadian Rainbow

Look, it's a Canadian Rainbow

So yes, I’m going to buy the seasons again. ¬†But I’m stocking up on Candaian change and I’m not sending old Ralphie a thank you note. ¬†

 

-PinkJerseysSuck



What a first place Jets team means for the Bills by errantremark
  1. This will only get worse.
  2. This will only get worse still.
  3. This will only get worser.
  4. This will only get worse (Gunning for number 1!)
  5. This will only get worse (and more depressing).
  6. This will get uglier.
  7. This will only get worse (and more obnoxious).
  8. In their inevitable first round loss, Jets fans will have to endure this. And this, then this, but then this, ultimately will miss out on this, this, this and this and have to settle for Mark Sanchez, which is really just this.

~errantremark (finally)