Filed under: Wow | Tags: all implied behavior is thoroughly fake., I hate miami, jokes about buffalo, self-hating buffalonians, there's more to hate about buffalo than snow
With the latest hack jokes about Buffalo that have come to my attention, I have been pretty annoyed with the general state of Buffalo mockery.
I don’t mean to label HHR as hacks – they’re not, and they generally come through on the funny, but they are just one of many sports blogs that showcase their laziness (ignorance?) with jokes about Buffalo weather, Buffalo being boring and Buffalo being a crappy place to live. (See the biggest offenders there? Sucks to suck.)
Anyway I want to offer hope to those bloggers (and media sources) who love to hate on Buffalo, but don’t know enough about the place to do so properly. What follows are a few gems I’ve gleaned through the years – even though I’m sure no one in the blogosphere would ever do it, feel free to plagiarize this list wholesale.
Proper Jokes about Buffalo Being a Crappy Place to Live
- Amherst, NY. New Jersey. See where I’m going with this?
- There is no good nightlife in Buffalo, so the bars stay open until 4 am. Wait, that’s not a joke.
- Culture in Buffalo means a white guy playing Othello. OHHHHHHHHHH snap.
- Girls in Buffalo don’t shave their pits. Some blame the French. I blame Ani DiFranco.
- The cost of living in New York City is approximately 79% higher than living in Buffalo. Combine that with the nearby location of cheap, uh, talent. Factoring in fluctuations of the US dollar vs. the Canadian dollar, a night of strippers with the chance of a happy ending in a nice hotel is approximately 98% cheaper than in New York City. Advantage: Buffalo.
- Mattoon, Ill., Washington, DC (wait, uh, sorry I meant to link to this.), Los Angeles and Bristol, Conn. all have higher population growth rates than Buffalo. I know. Mattoon.
- One foot in the grave, the other…in…the…grave.
Proper Jokes about Buffalo Weather
- Know what I love about Buffalo snow? It glows.
- It hasn’t snowed this hard since Billy Fucillo last sneezed!
- They get the best snow up there in Buffalo.
- Know what I love about winter in Buffalo? It brings out Buffalo’s best bleu cheese-scented tail.
- It’s so cold in Buffalo, no man needs Viagra. Just get it warmed up and flash freeze that sucker. 4 hours, guaranteed.
- Buffalo tan. Buffalo wing. See where I’m going here?
- Did you know that in the summer, Buffalo is called the Miami of the north? Sadly, it’s only for the weather. Buffalo could never match Miami for this.
- Buffalo summers are so hot you pray for Buffalo winters.
- /ducks. What the hell was that? Spring?
Ah, so there’s a start. This list can grow if you, the sports blogosphere, want it to. I challenge you, blogosphere, be original when you make fun of us. We know we suck, but please, if you HAVE to rip on us, have some class.
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