Dukes of Awesome


So Chris Henry, Pacman Jones and Marshawn Lynch walk into a bar by errantremark

So Chris Henry, Pacman Jones and Marshawn Lynch walk into a bar.

First, Chris Henry orders a drink: “Hummma herm….cannnnnyouuuu….get…hmmm….[inaudible slurring]ffffvodka.”

The bartender says, “I think you’ve had quite enough, son.”

Pacman jumps on the bar, throwing myriad single dollar bills into the air. Leaping down on the other side of the bar he bites the bartenders ankle, who then falls, banging his head on the bar, leaving him paralyzed.

Pacman shouts “C’mon let’s go” and runs outside, trailing a cloud of floating greenbacks.

Chris Henry looks, glassy eyed, as the door slams closed. He passes out at the bar.

Marshawn Lynch sidles up to the bar, reaching into his jacket.

He removes from his trenchcoat a collapsible cup, a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi and a handle of Captain Morgan.

Ever deliberate and patient, he unfolds the cup, and reaching over the bar he scoops up some ice cubes.

“Ah rocks,” he says softly, to no one in particular.

He then fixes himself a Captain and Coke.

Sitting there, sipping, he waits.

{sirens in the background)

Finishing his drink, the hard boiled Lynch empties the ice, collapses his cup, screws on the cap of the captain, then the Pepsi.

Donning his fedora, Lynch studies the passed out figure of Henry. He pats Henry’s head, slowly shaking his own, and strolls out the door.

Outside, the streets are quiet, though carnage is evident – gunfire and sirens are heard in the distance.

Marshawn calmly gets into his car – a sturdy Porsche Cayenne – and starts the engine.

Turning the wheel he begins to pull away from the curb, heading home.

[Cut to present day, Roger Goodell’s office, as he’s reviewing a signed affadavit from Lynch and his lawyer]

Roger Goodell, reading: “and that’s what really happened, I took the fall to save Pacman and Chris. they city (OAKLAND) ya heard.”

Goodell: “Welp, good enough for me.”

He closes the file, walks over to his closet, slowly dons his fedora, and on his way out, pats the head of a softly snoring Chris Henry, who is dozing, sprawled out on the conference table.

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[…] The Dukes of Awesome may want to pursue a career in fiction writing. […]

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