Dukes of Awesome


Marcus Camby – A Trade About Nothing by noaccount

Starring:
Rex Chapman – VP of Player Personnel
Mark Warkentien – VP of Basketball Ops
Stanley Kroenke – Owner

RECEPTIONIST: They’re ready for you.
MARK: Okay, okay. Look, you do all the talking, okay?
REX: Relax. Who’s he?
MARK: Yeah, he’s not better than me.
REX: Course not.
MARK: Who is?
REX: He’s nobody.
MARK: What about me?
REX: What about you?
MARK: Why him? Why not me?
REX: Why not you?
MARK: I’m as good as him.
REX: Better.
MARK: You really think so?
REX: No.

(The door opens, and, from REX and MARK’s point of view, STANLEY Kroenke Stands up)

MARK: I think I can sum up the trade for you with one word: NOTHING.
STANLEY: Nothing?
MARK: (Smiling) Nothing.
STANLEY: (Unimpressed) What does that mean?
MARK: In the trade, we get nothing.
REX: (To MARK) Well, it’s not nothing.
MARK: (To REX) No, it’s nothing.
REX: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something.

(REX and MARK glare at each other.)

STANLEY: All right, tell me about the player we’re getting back. What kind of player is he?
MARK: Oh, no. No player.
REX: Well, uh, maybe we could…
MARK: No, no, no. Nothing happens.
REX: Well, something happens.
STANLEY: Well, why are we doing it?
MARK: It’s not a checkers move. It’s a chess move. Chess is a tougher game to understand, you’ve got to wait longer to see the results of the move.
STANLEY: You need to come up with a new analogy.
MARK: Okay, uh, look, if you want to just keep on doing the same old thing, then maybe this idea is not for you. I, for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity! And I’ll tell you something else, this is the trade and we’re not going to change it! (To REX) Right?

(A moment passes)

REX: (To STANLEY) How about this: I manage a circus…

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1 Comment so far
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Holy shit, a 2nd round pick? REALLY? For Camby? Who’s playing D in Denver now?

Comment by errantremark




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