Dukes of Awesome

He Schutz He Scores… by pinkjerseyssuck

…this is becoming way too easy.


The Sabres have signed German-born player Felix Schutz this week. I don’t know how I keep getting stuck with all these punny names, but somehow the files keep appearing on my desk. I think my evil yet identical twin “PinkJerseysAreTheBestestThingEver” keeps asking for them. Either way, if Reggie Corner-back wasn’t an easy enough article to write, now I have a hockey player with a last name pronounced “Shootz” (yes, “u” in German is almost always pronounced “oo.” Vertrauen Sie mir, bitte). Jeanerette’s going to be SO HAPPY.

The Sabs drafted him in 2006 in the fourth round, 117th overall. He plays center (for now), he schutz left, he’s 5’11” blah blah blah. Here’s what’s questionably interesting: HockeysFuture.com describes him as “A big-time sleeper due to his relative obscurity during the season” – with no further explanation. What the hell does that mean? What? Whatever. Moving on.

When asked about his impressions of a previous training camp, he replied “it was really impressive to play in that great arena [HSBC], with all the NHL stars of the Sabres.” I LOVE HIM! He’s so adorable! If he keeps that up the fans will be calling for him to replace Byron Brown soon. I know I am. He also mentioned how he could lean on his talent in Germany but here in the great N. America he actually has to try. Go figure. But, he did take a potentially unintentional pay-cut when he chose to play for the Saint John Sea Dogs over Germany’s ERC Ingolstadt in 2005, so mad props yo. Course, considering the eerily similar mascots, he may have just accidentally shown up at the wrong practice and been too embarassed to leave.

Felix the c.a.t.’s (center-and-team player) original prospect grade was a “D” for diploma. However once he left the Sea Dogs for the even more lame Val d’Or his offense began to improve greatly, which is when the Sabres finally took notice. I’m sure he’ll be starting somewhere on the mysterious new AHL team we have, but get your Schutz jerseys to the printers, I think he’ll stick around.

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[…] count, including our boys Stafford, Vanek, Roy, Mair, Connolly, Sekera, Paetsch, and even my man Schutz. So these kids need to start figuring out how to get around […]

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