Dukes of Awesome


Buffalo Bills – Where are they now? Cole Ford by buckybrooks
May 5, 2008, 3:02 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Name: Cole Ford

Dates on the team: 1998

Where is he now: The nut house.

Whats the biggest danger facing America as we emerge deeper into the 21st century? Islamic Fundamentalists? The ever growing income gap between the rich and the poor? The millions of citizens that lack basic health care?

Well, according to Cole Ford, none of those. The biggest danger to America is illusionists. And he’s in the crazy house for trying to kill the most dangerous (in his mind) illusionists in America – Sigfried and Roy.

If you don’t remember Cole Ford, he spent a few weeks on our roster when we realized Christie couldn’t do a deep kickoff to save his life. He wore number 5, a number vacated until Trent Edwards chose it as a tribute to him. We cut him about two weeks into the season when we realized having 2 kickers made even less sense then Charlie Weis’ irrational fear of anything healthy.

Anyways, he was probably my favorite player during his brief tenure. I liked the long odds he faced of making the team as a second kicker, his ability to boom kickoffs out of the endzone, and the fact that he had a pretty rockin name. So i was kind of pissed when they cut him. Apparently so was he.

With all NFL prospects dried up, Cole headed west to become a day laborer in Vegas. There he realize that Siegfried and Roy were the root of all evil and decided to empty a few rounds into their house in a drive by shooting.

Cole apparently came to this realization after passing that ridiculous Siegfried and Roy billboard in front of the Mirage every day. That billboard was so creepy it probably would have drove me to killing them if I was forced to see it everyday. And that’s probably why he wasn’t viewed as competent to stand trial.

Cole did actually almost get the last laugh, when that white tiger tried to finish the job he started by mauling Roy. But miraculously this modern day Rasputin survived again. Amazing, Heath Ledger can’t take a couple of sleeping pills without dying, but these two assclowns can twice cheat death. Figure that one out.

So anyways that’s where Cole is today, sitting in some padded room, no doubt eating peaches right out of a can… plotting his next attempt to take America back.

Fun Cole Ford quote: “NFL players are in the environment of the Roman Coliseum. Sacrificing takes place. It’s possible that I didn’t want to become a successful athlete because then I would have been sacrificed.” No Cole, you didn’t become a successful athlete because A) you sucked, and B) you’re crazy

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1 Comment so far
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Ford is a good car 🙂

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