Dukes of Awesome

NOOOOOOOOOOO – It should have been Zach!

errantremark — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:45:43 +0000

In my mind, it will always be Zach Morris’ baby!

I miss the days when this passed for a shirt

And Twins!

errantremark — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:58:07 +0000

Henrik: The embryo did split in two, but…it didn’t split equally. All the purity and strength went into Tyler.

Derek: All the crap that was left over…

Henrik: Went into what you see in the mirror every morning.

Derek: Whoa. You telling me I’m the crap?

Tyler: This is not true.

Derek: You’re telling me that I am the leftover crap? I’m no good?

Tyler: He’s wrong.
Henrik: Look at him.

Derek: Are you saying that I’m a side effect?

Henrik: You haven’t got the brain power to understand this… but Yes.

(in case you’re too young to get this: source)

Remember that time you ran into your ex? Yeah, like that.

errantremark — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:07:50 +0000

Hey….yeah…long time….

Oh, I’m good…good…how are you? Oh, jinx! haha, no you go first…

…

Oh, not so good, huh? Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, I see you got a new man in your life. Is he nice?

….

Oh, he is nice? Wow, that’s kind of surprising actually. Why? Oh, well, you know how those jock-y receiver-y types are – you never know when they’re gonna blow!

/SLAP

Ow, geez, sorry, sore subject. So, have you been going out long? No? Well, if he’s so nice, I’m sure you’re ready to move on to the next level. Why are you making that face….no? Oh, it’s just a rebound fling, is that what you’re saying?

…

No, I don’t think you want me back. I mean, why would you? I was only devoted to you for, what, 25 years. No, I’m not being a smart ass.

…

Hah! It’ll take more than a muscle-bound boy toy to make me jealous. You like me for my personality, remember?

…

So you have kids yet?

/smack!

OW! Okay, okay, sore subject. Well look, I can’t say I’m ready to make a big play, but, you know, if you ever want to talk – yeah – oh, yeah, we should definitely do coffee sometime. Soon.

….

Okay, well, can I get your number? Yeah…I got a new phone. Okay, yeah, I’ll facebook you.

…

Wait, seriously, can I get your number? No? Arrrgh. Well, at least we’ll always have the rink…

A little time to vent.

pinkjerseyssuck — Mon, 18 May 2009 18:31:02 +0000

Too many things this week have made me say, “REALLY?!?”, so here’s a short list.

Really? 33 degrees? If my squash plants die it’s gonne get ugly ’round here.

REALLY? A key to the city? Impressively, I am more embarrassed by this move than any other Byron has made thus far. My favorite comment so far? – We’ve probably only got a few hours, then, until T.O. claims the key has some sort of secret collusion with another lock.

Really. $13,000 a day is a LOT. As much as I hate the whole, run away and cry about it thing, Golisano is as close to “I can’t blame him” as I’ve ever gotten. So as long as he leaves the Sabres here, I’m not going to complain.

REEEALLY? It’s okay to physically beat activists over the head with signs now (literally)? Take a note from Ghandi, you crazy West Senecans!

The NY Times does not believe in the K-Gun

errantremark — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:54:08 +0000

Tangential sports reporters at the New York Times are skeptical that Turk Schonert’s “spread the ball around” philosophy will work with the Bills.

The same indignant comment could be made about the idea of finding ways to spread the ball around more, and my scouting eye wondered why Schonert would do this.

It’s odd that any sports reporter would question this philosophy, because just about every team that has won the Super Bowl recently has relied not on one particular offensive superstar to carry a team, but complete distribution of the ball, regardless of whether said team has one or more stars.

Check it:

Since 2000, every team that has won the Super Bowl has had their top three receivers separated by less than 400 yards, and their top two usually within 200 yards of each other, with notables like the 1999 St. Louis Rams (3 receivers within 300 yards of each other) and the 2006 Indianapolis Colts (top two receivers within 50 yards) hallmarked by extraordinary offense distribution. By comparison, teams that got close but lost (2003-4 Carolina Panthers, 2004-5 Philadelphia Eagles) had individual stars (Steve Smith, Terrell Owens, respectively) that were separated by 500+ yards from their second best receiver.

It’s not rocket science. The more players contributing to an offense, the more likely a team will be successful. The early ’90s Bills had Kelly, Reed, Thomas, Lofton, Metzelaars, Beebe and more contributing significant offensive numbers. Good teams have several good players getting good stats.

An individual superstar who you force the ball to can win you games, but to win it all, you gotta distribute the rock. If the Bills can successfully do so (and replacing Rock Hands Royal with a fast, young tight end) should lead to a successful year for the Bills.

The Bills’ Linebacking Corp Becoming the All-Name Team

errantremark — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:08:28 +0000

Since the Bills need a linebacker, it has been odd they have remained quiet on the free agent front for so long, and conspicuously did not draft an LB last month.

But Tim Graham tipped the world that the Bills are hosting a new FA linebacker with potential for the most polysyllabic jersey-stretching potential since London Fletcher-Baker added a hyphen and occupation to his name.

They’re hosting Pisa Tinoisamoa this week, the former Rams standout and all-time vowel holder.

Should the Bills sign this cat, they get a guy that, oddly enough, is the same kind of player Fletcher-Baker was, and one that would seriously fill gaps in the current LB corp. Tinoisamoa is a tackling machine, like F-B, and though undersized, was consistently effective and would shore up the weak side, where the Bills currently have the overmatched and under-spelled Keith Ellison.

Thus, I implore 289 to design a new fab four shirt with the Bills linebacking corp:

Pisa&

Kawika&

Corto& (or Costanzo& or DiGiorgio& but not Keith& cuz it’s boring)

Poz.

Dukes of Awesome, Esq.

errantremark — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:40:40 +0000

Just a quick post to congratulate our resident female sports blogger, who is now our resident LAWYER blogger, which makes her far and away the most accomplished Duke of Awesome.

Congrats, pinkjerseyssuck, on passing the bar! Donte Whitner is now going to call you.

How Buffalo Sports Fans Cope: A look into Freud’s Defence Mechanisms, Part 2

pinkjerseyssuck — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:09:08 +0000

This continues a four part series on the way Buffalo fans, and Sports fans in general, cope with the ups, downs, and curveballs that inevitably come with the territory of making sports a priority in your life. Find Part one here.

Part two now addresses the “Level 2 Defence Mechanisms.”

Considered to some as the “teenage” mechanisms, the second level defences lessen distress and anxiety provoked by threatening people or by uncomfortable reality. In adults, however, they become annoyingly immature and out of touch with reality. This would, therefore, constitute your average participant in a Sunday morning tailgate.

These include:

1. Fantasy

Definition: Tendency to retreat into fantasy in order to resolve inner and outer conflicts

Example: Truly believing that the no-huddle offense is what Edwards was born to do! He”s the next Kelly! 15-1 Baby!

2. Projection

Definition: without becoming consciously aware of them, attributing one’s own unacknowledged unacceptable/unwanted thoughts and emotions to another. Wikipedia’s example includes “severe prejudice, severe jealousy, hypervigilance to external danger, and injustice collecting”

Example: This embodies just about every Bills fan’s reaction to both the Dolphins (severe prejudice anyone?) and the Patriots (severe jealousy anyone?!?). As much as I want to pretend I’m not jealous and the Pats really are evil, let’s be serious. And some of you reading are thinking, “no, the Pats really are evil. They cheat. They suck. Blah blah.” It’s okay. Defense mechanisms are healthy.

3. Hypochondriasis

Definition: Transforming negative feelings towards others into negative feelings towards yourself, thereby causing pain/illness.

Example: The tailgates at games in which the Bills are almost sure to lose always result in more arrests and hospitalizations. Look it up.

4. Passive aggression

Definition: Aggression towards others expressed indirectly or passively.

Example(s): I’m pretty sure this could be a post in itself. But really, there is so much anger pent up at tailgate parties expressed in “savage brews” and playing “pass the charcoal” it’s ridiculous. The question is, who’s it supposed to be directed at? Ralph Wilson? The NFL? Scott Norwood? Whoever thought it was a good idea to but a thruway on the waterfront? Who knows. But it’s definitely inside us, expressing its ugly head every September.

5. “Acting out”

Definition: Direct expression of an unconscious wish or impulse without conscious awareness of the emotion that drives that expressive behavior.

Example: the viral rumor that Ralph had died. Was this our collective subconscious, wishing for some sort of answers as to what will happen when he does kick the bucket? I am ashamed to say, it was both terrifying and exciting when I first heard the rumor. For those of you who frantically texted and facebooked away once you heard it- knowing full well it was only a rumor- perhaps you were acting out.

6. Idealization

Definition: Subconsciously choosing to perceive another individual as having more positive qualities than he or she may actually have.

Example: just about every player we have signed or drafted in the last 17 years. See, Fantasy, above

Parts 3 and 4 coming soon.

Donte Whitner might be the fan-friendliest Buffalo Bill ever.

errantremark — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:47:42 +0000

This just in from Facebook:

Donte Whitner is about to get another cell phone and call it the Fan Phone…as soon as I get it I’ll post the phone number on here…wont answer all the time but you guys can text and call me!!!! COOL?

Whitner, who really is active on Facebook, posted that today, and I’m hyper excited. This is how a star on a team really connects with his fans. I fully expect he’s going to get inundated with texts and calls and messages with little time to return them, but the effort is remarkable.

Whitner – our first current Duke of Awesome – is showing exactly how a player recovers his image after an unfortunate mistake.

Though realwiley asks: “although is he REALLY prepared to meet the fans? Things could get ugly if the team slides.”

I’d tend to agree, but Bills fans, for all their drunken hijinks, are incredibly loyal to their team:

UPDATE: Just to show he’s a good sport, this should be Donte’s voicemail message:

Return of the K-Gun?

errantremark — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:34:16 +0000

Tim Graham has a post today that should set any Bills fan who remembers the Super Bowl years shaking with excitement.

He forecasts the return of the no-huddle offense to Buffalo.

The Bills have dangerous receivers Terrell Owens, Lee Evans and Josh Reed, versatile running backs Marshawn Lynch, Fred Jackson and Dominic Rhodes and quarterback Trent Edwards, who they believe can make quick decisions at the line of scrimmage.

“The no-huddle lends itself to guys that are big-play guys,” Wyche said, “because if you get a defense that’s just a little fatigued, just a little off their first-step quickness, and you get the explosive guys, they can hit the home run.”

Wyche, of course, is Sam Wyche – the coach who installed the offense with the Boomer Esiason Bengals, who inspired the Kelly-years Bills to do the same.

With a glut of skill players and what looks like a potentially reborn offensive line (Hangartner roughly equals Hull?), it is entirely possible. The one potential weak link? QB Trent Edwards.

But the no-huddle offense plays directly into Edwards’ strengths – he’s a fast decision maker, a quick release, and he’s smart. In fact, when the Bills opened last year 4-0, the hallmarks of the offense – quick strike throws, up-tempo rushing – were incredibly similar to a no-huddle offense, just run with huddles. Imagine that offense with more playmakers and less time for the defense to recover.

I’m excited just thinking about it.

Need more convincing? Remember when the K-gun established itself: